i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
