i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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