I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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