Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
