I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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