did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I could fuck to npr.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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