She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
