my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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