I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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