It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
