so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I will die if light touches me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
