she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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