I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
