From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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