I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
