nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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