I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
