How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
