I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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