I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
