i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
