Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
