Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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