I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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