fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
