But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
