every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
