why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
