yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
