Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.