I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?