Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...