And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to stop coming to work sober
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Good thing I've started drinking again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.