I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was confusing and full of hummus
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
