i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
