I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
