so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
