I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we're making bets on your personal life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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