just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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