Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
