I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize