this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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