Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
