If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
