You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
