need another drink. this is the easiest way
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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