you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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