Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
