O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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