All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
