I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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