worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
