She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
