I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
