took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
