So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
