never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
