Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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