A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
