I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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