Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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