if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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