You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
