Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
