I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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