This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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