Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
