Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize