I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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