he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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